Floating in the Pool: February 2006

Feelin Downtrodden

Fat lip knows how it goes sometimes. If you don't just go here and click on the picture for the best video ever.

Rather jake or death

After contemplating my last post I realized that the situation wasn't so much "Jake vs. Death" as "Jake or Death". Much like the posed by Eddie Izzard "Cake or Death"

"Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Everybody – anyone could answer that. "Cake or death?" "Uhh, cake please." "Very well! Give him cake!" "Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice!" "You! Cake or death?" "Uh, cake for me, too, please!" "Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?" "Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..." "You said death first, ah-ha, ah-ha, death first!"

Clearly Patient X desired death over Jake. A blow to the ego? Perhaps... But I don't really believe student nurses were put on this Earth to question their actions. Onward, blindly onward my fellow western medical paradigmers!

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Eddie

jake vs death

0425 a.m. in a dark hospital room

Patient X: I want to die! Please let me die!
Jake: I'm sorry, you need to tell the doctors you want to die. They will be here in the morning, and you should tell them your feelings.

X: Please just 5 minutes without the oxygen. I won't tell, the other guy let me do it.
Jake: No, you have to leave the oxygen on. You are barely getting enough oxygen.

X:Help, Help! Won't someone help me? I can't breathe!
Jake: Try to calm down and take slow deep breaths. You have your oxygen on you just need to relax.

X: You are killing me! Please let me take off my mask.
Jake: Your mask is keeping you alive. We are doing the best we can.

X: Elder abuse!
Jake: Sweetie, I know how much pressure I am using. You are fine, you need to stop pulling on your mask.

X: I am going to have bruises from your gloves!
Jake: Ummm, o.k.

X: I am going to sue you.
Jake: Well, if I let you die tonight your husband and children would sue me, so I am going to take my chances.

Jake: Don't you want to live to say goodbye to your husband and children in the morning?
X: Yes, of course. I won't die if I take off my mask.
Jake: Yes you will!

Just so you never forget what a dashing man I am. Sure Ulf has the blond hair styled by the gay import straight from Milan, the bulging biceps from lifting buckets of milk, the meticulous intellect only the german school system can provide...

But I can throw a peace sign like there ain't nothing wrong girl, Come on Now!

winter says "BACDAFUCUP!"

Ya have to admire a snow storm, as long as it doesn't keep me from the shit I gotta do...

Every once in awhile, winter gets a little attitude though. Lets us know we are on an unstable ball of goo hurtling through space. As Wyclef says "What? Say what? Anything can happen." And Wisconsin can go from 50 degrees to 15 with a snow storm, but quick.

Sometimes you have to hunker down on this little ball. Hold tight so it doesn't throw you off. Or bury you in snow.

jake vs. snow

Contrary to modern cinema sometimes the forces of light out number the forces of dark. Millions, even billions against one. White covering everything. White in the eyes, white in the tires, white on the chain ring.

On goes the black hat, black cowl, black gloves and I ride out into the fresh 4.5 inches in order to get home.

I won this round, but the snow doesn't care very much.

In case you forgot just how I look when I am talking some shit. Evelyn has clearly spent enough time around me to be able to completely tune me out. A necessary skill.

midnight snack

A bit late on a Wednesday. But not much to go to bed for...So I stuff myself with proteins and await the next day. Sun should shine again. Means its cold. It was a very cold ride this morning. Much better riding the bike at midnight coming home than at 7 going to school. Nothing worse than a predawn bike ride in the winter. The last two mornings, though, the birds were singing in the dawn as I left. Every little bit helps.

Sun. morning shift comes really late on Saturday

Two shots of tequilla (Jose, the sassy mexican) two hours ago and have to be up for work in 4 hours. Not too bad. A far cry from the assisted living days. Roll out of bed in Chicago after a couple hours of sleep, hung over, for a ride up I-90 to Madison. The subtle shake you get in your helmet at 70 mph on a pint sized sport bike is a wonder at coaxing even the most introverted headache to sing a lovely song. EEEEEEEEEHHHHH! Or maybe more like a high pitched WWWWAAAAHHHHH! How headaches sound? Do colors cry?

Anyhoo, much more responsible now, perhaps it is the fact people can keel over now where I work. "Oh yah, ol' dude, in room 35....um yah, he died last night"

A lot to lay on a man prior to sun up, even without a hangover. But there are parts of the job that make it worth it. Like the guy whose room I got called into a couple of weeks ago. In such pain and delirium that he couldn't stay still. Constant movement. Blood shot eyes wandering the room, unresponsive to our soothing words. Slightly more responsive to soothing touch. You learn holding a hand is nursing intervention #1.

Last week he was up, walking and talking like he was a million bucks. I grabbed another nursing assistant and said, "Holy shit is that the guy from the 'I' last week?"

Yup it was. I'm glad he didn't remember me. Hopefully he didn't remember much of that night.

adam montage

Maybe the most photogenic guy I know, an ode to drunk adam.

Capturing the zen essence of a wandering belligerent monk with the smooth style of a Detriot pimp

a taste of the master

in action

adam and eve

umm, maybe my favorite picture ever, I can't help but laugh at that expression. Could he care any less that there is a hot mama shaking her boot three inches in front of him? Nope