Jake with death

So after seeing my brother's lovely plug for me (Thanks Dan!), I got to thinking. Not only about my horrible literary skills, no, the fact I type at later then midnight after either multiple drinks or a work shift forgive me of that. But about bigger things. Hey, how come it always has to be Jake against the world. Sure a bunch o' mofo's are after me, but still sometimes things come together, rather than fall apart. Regardless of what laws of thermodynamics dictate.

Sometimes I work with Death. Is it such a bad thing? That swing into the great unknown?

My Dad asked me how I felt after hearing one of my first patients died. Did I feel bad? "No", I said, "it was a good death." She died at home. She died happily. She died trying to make everyone around her happy. Few patients have the positive attituted she had. When you cared for her she tried to make YOU happy. What a woman.

Still, it is easy to say that it didn't affect me. Shit. I didn't fucking see her die. She was happy when she saw me. Her family wasn't fucking balling their eyes out to me, what do I care?

No, what is difficult is seeing the widow of 56 years telling you how fantastic her husband was while he is lying dead in front of you. And then she breaks down and sobs. Try to maintain your cool then. Be that rock, son. Go on.

Yah, you got to get a little misty eyed. O.K. so you've been with this guy for over twice as long as I have been alive? Yah, there is no way I can compete with that.

This is when you fall back on your training. Theraputic communication. Echo their thoughts. Be silent, let them communicate. What can you possibly offer this woman from your own experience that will be of any use? Should I rely on my extensive MarioKart experience? Your husband dying reminds me of this time I got fucking housed by my cousin on the Nintendo 64. Everyone knows pain, but there are orders of magnitude.

So I go to work. Make good wishes for the departed, start cleaning him up. Make him look dignified.

People always talk about dying with dignity. Dignity?

dig·ni·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dgn-t)
n. pl. dig·ni·ties

1. The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect.
2. Inherent nobility and worth: the dignity of honest labor.
3. 1. Poise and self-respect.
   2. Stateliness and formality in manner and appearance.

I hate to break it to ya'll, but no one looks stately or formal when dead. You look like a fish. A fish that lived a long fucking time and can rest now. No diginity. Tired.

I think the best people die with CONSIDERATION

con·sid·er·a·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kn-sd-rshn)
n.

1. 1. Careful thought; deliberation: We will give your proposal consideration.
   2. A result of considering; an opinion or a judgment: Is it your consideration that I should apply?
2. A factor to be considered in forming a judgment or decision: Safety is the most important consideration in choosing a car.
3. A treatment or account: The essay begins with a brief consideration of the history of the problem.
4. Thoughtful concern for others; solicitude.
5. High regard; esteem.

Dignified is a half hour in front of a mirror carefully adjusting your hair to that too perfect windswept look. Consideration is money in the bank. Years of good living followed by a good death.

So yah, I think that is enough for tonight. I didn't even ramble about what I wanted to ramble about. But that is o.k. This blog was supposed to be about a fucking jail anyway. Have I written anything yet about a jail? Have I? I can't remember.